Adventures in Beano

A good friend of mine recounted this true story to me this morning, and it's so good I had to share. Enjoy!

I took a fiber pill and three Beanos yesterday, since I was feeling pretty bloated. After that, I tried to work out my issue at the gym, through kickboxing and a mile on the treadmill. Neither worked. 

I was driving aggressively on the way home and a cop pulled me over into a grocery store parking lot. While I waited, I held my stomach, moving around, trying to fart to ease the pressure. The cop approached and asked me for my license, and said that he'd only give me a warning. I gave him my license while continuing to squirm.

"What's the matter with you?" he said, while looking at my ID.

"I just don't feel too hot," I said. He took my stuff and then came back to see me still uncomfortably shifting in my seat.

"Seriously, what's wrong with you? Are you pregnant?" I look at him, eyes bulging out.

"DO I LOOK PREGNANT TO YOU?!" I yelled.

"Well, you're holding your stomach and squirming around and your coat is all bunched up right there. I was wondering if I needed to call the ambulance." he said.

I paused for a moment, and said: "No, if you must know, I'm bloated and need to fart." 

The cop looked shocked and his eyes shifted uncomfortably to the ground. "Well, take some gas-x." 

I sighed and said, "Well, I took three Beanos, and they certainly don't appear to be working."

He didn't say much after that. With a terrified look, he started backing away from my car.

Really, all I wanted to do was drop a big stinky one in his face for pulling me over and telling me I looked pregnant. I should have said, "Here, pull my finger."